Autistic burnout and my 2026 resolutions
Hello, friend ♡
I’ve had one of those weeks where you go to sleep and wake up every day wondering what’s wrong with you. “Why am I feeling like this? What’s going on?” It’s one of the less fun things about being autistic - it can take a good while from noticing that something is wrong until you can pinpoint what exactly the problem is. Sometimes I’m sick or have a migraine for a couple days until it finally clicks, and it’s like “ohhh, of course, that makes sense!”
Burnout can be a sneaky bitch, though. It can hit you quite suddenly, or be so gradual that you hardly notice until one day when you realize you’re barely functioning, and you think “How long have I been living like this?!”
No matter when and how you notice, it has been building gradually. You don’t burn out overnight. And when you notice, the pattern becomes clear.
I should clarify here that autistic burnout is not exactly the same thing as “regular” burnout. They do have things in common and some overlapping symptoms, but while regular burnout seems to be mostly about taking on too much for too long, autistic burnout is like pushing yourself to be too much for too long. It is a consequence of living in neurotypical society, unless you take care to accommodate yourself and create a daily routine that supports your needs as an autistic person.
That’s easier said than done, though. It’s also not always realistic. Sometimes I completely ignore my sensory needs in favour of something else, for example, because it all depends on what you choose to prioritize in the moment. It’s like when you have another drink out with your friends instead of going to bed early, because in that moment, you prioritize fun over extra sleep. They’re both important, and you need a little bit of everything in order to live a full life! So this time you get a second drink, and next time you’ll go to bed earlier. There’s no such thing as doing everything perfectly all the time, because there’s no one right answer for what ‘perfect’ is.
But I digress.
I’m very lucky. In theory, I have a lot of control over what my life looks like. I don’t have a regular job, I’m not expected to show up somewhere most days of the week - I’m pretty much free to do whatever I want whenever. So why am I not living like it?
I used to see people on social media talking about everything they’d do if they didn’t have to work. They would spend all day every day painting, baking, gardening, cooking elaborate dinners for their friends and family, take up all the hobbies they ever dreamed of, see the world, volunteer, become a master level woodworker or something. The list goes on.
Whenever I compared myself to them (yeah yeah I know, you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other people, but we all have our moments of weakness), I would always think “I should be doing more with my time. Why aren’t I doing more? Am I ungrateful? Lazy? Unmotivated?” but no, dear reader. I am none of those things, and I know that.
Most days, I’m so grateful I could cry, just for the privilege of being alive on this planet. My mind overflows with passion and ideas, my body hums with excitement, my fingers are tingling with motivation, itching to create. And yet. And yet.
I’m crying as I’m typing this. Coming to terms with your own limitations is not an easy thing to do, and it is made even harder when those limitations are ever-changing. What I can do one day, there is absolutely no guarantee that I can do the next. And that really fucking sucks.
The inner drive to do, be, make, participate, create, make the most of everything all the time, it doesn’t go away on the days where my body or executive function says no. It just means I’ll be sitting on the couch with those thoughts and feelings going through me instead.
This is the reality of having a dynamic disability.
I’m very lucky. A lot of what my life looks like is up to me. But living with these limitations that are constantly fluctuating is a special kind of torture. Okay, that was a bit dramatic. But we all wish we had a different set of problems than the ones we’ve got, right? You are allowed to feel frustrated about the difficult things in your life.
I’m working on accepting my limitations (she says through gritted teeth), but in the meantime, I’m gathering data on what doesn’t work. (That’s a nicer way of saying I’m trying and failing.) It’s just really difficult to let go of the mindset that trying harder leads to a more successful outcome. That’s probably true for a lot of things, but you can’t “push through” your disability. You can only adapt to it. Shape your life around it.
…Which brings me to my resolutions for 2026:
Show that disability who’s boss, once and for all! Okay, fine. Learn how to rest. That’s the actual resolution. It sounds kind of silly, because it’s like, what do you mean you don’t know how to rest? You just chill! That’s it! But yeah, I’m actually really bad at resting, because on the days when my mind and body are telling me that we need to rest, I either ignore it and try to do whatever I was planning to do that day anyway until I crash, or I halfheartedly “rest” while waiting for my energy bar to be recharged enough to start doing stuff. Like in Stardew Valley, when your farmer is out of energy so you go lay in bed for 2 in-game hours and then you get right back to it. So this year, I’d like to learn how to actually rest, and hopefully achieve better balance in my life as a result.
Trust myself more. This is in no way related to anything else in this post, but since we are on the topic of resolutions, I felt like sharing anyway. I want to listen to myself more, take my gut instincts seriously more often. I’d like to consider my own opinion first, before considering the opinions of others. I keep saying that my perspective is as valid as anyone else’s, but I don’t live by that in practice as much as I’d like to.
Keep practicing unmasking and being myself around others. This one is kind of related to the topic of burnout, because masking can be a contributing factor. It takes a lot of internal resources not to be your authentic self, but something I learned last year is that it sure takes a lot of intentional work to be your full self, too. It’s a thousand little moments where you choose not to hide parts of yourself, but instead leave it all out there. It’s one of those things people say get easier with time, so I guess I’ll be your little guinea pig and report back if it indeed does become effortless eventually. Wish me luck! It’s gonna get weird!
Be as social as I can handle, because people = the best therapy. Well, maybe it’s more accurate to say connection, not just people in general, because it matters a lot what you actually do when you’re around others. (Although I still think just being around people can have a therapeutic effect, setting and circumstance does matter a lot here.)
For the past few years, I’ve been determined to improve my social skills (who knew they get so rusty when you live like a hermit for a decade?) and connect with others, whenever possible. I started small with things like practicing small talk with cashiers, and have since graduated to initiating conversation with strangers (gasp!) and actually seeking out social gatherings that seem up my alley (and actually going instead of chickening out at the last second, woo!)
This year, I’m joining a local astronomy society that I’ve been gently stalking since moving here, and I’m prioritizing spending time with friends. Maybe even making some new ones, too! <3
Lastly… this isn’t really a resolution, but it is my new motto that I will try to live by. 2024 and 2025 was the era of “Live as if the world is friendly”. This motto has served me well, and I will continue to carry it with me on my journey.
But 2026 will be the start of a new era; “Live as if you already have permission”.
You already have permission to be yourself, to do that thing you’ve been daydreaming of doing, to speak your mind, to wear that outfit, to take up space - whatever the thing you can’t stop thinking about is, you don’t have to wait for anyone else’s permission to do it. You don’t have to wait for anyone else to go first. And if you think someone has to go first, why not you? Why wouldn’t you be the perfect person to do it?
If you’ve been waiting for permission, let this be it. I love you, now go do the thing!! :D
So anyway, burnout. That’s how this whole thing got started. Realizing you might be experiencing it is obviously the easy part. It’s the thing that comes next that’s confusing, exhausting and discouraging, but also hopefully optimistic and exciting. You navigate the choppy waters in search of land, and there will be land, but you don’t know when and where before you reach it.
If you were hoping for some answers, a “how to recover from autistic burnout”, uhh.. Maybe come back in a year or two? I might have something for you then. Until that time comes, I hope it suffices that we’re in this boat together.
